Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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