ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
