i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
