Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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