Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
