i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
