Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
