Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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