Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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