i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize