I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
