no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
