WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
