Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
