What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
