he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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