I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
