someone threw a dead crab at me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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