Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
