then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
