are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
