I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
