P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
