Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
