Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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