I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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