I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
