just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
