I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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