Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
