I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
