after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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