if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize