i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
