I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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