So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
