i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
