I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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