I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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