highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize