Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
