i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
