In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize