god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
