I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just forgot I was standing up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
