omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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