how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
