But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
