We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
