You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we're making bets on your personal life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
