i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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