The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
