It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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