ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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