i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
