I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize