Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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