and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
