Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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