After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize