So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
