; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
